Help Me with Grief and Loss

Grief is a natural emotional response to the loss of someone or something important to you and can affect many parts of our lives.

When grieving, we may experience changes to feelings, changes to thoughts, changes to your body and changes to what you do.

It is important to remember that grief is very personal, and different for everyone.  We used to think grief came in stages – where we would basically feel intense feelings at first, then after a few weeks or months feel ok. Now we think grief actually comes in waves. We might feel numb at first and even be surprised that we don’t feel upset for days or weeks. Then we might cry uncontrollably, then be laughing the next day, then not think about our loss for months, then suddenly start crying at the grocery store.

Our brain is faced with a set of four challenges when we experience a loss.

  1.  Our mind must process that this loss is real. It can take time for this to set in. We might expect to see our beloved family pet when we get home from school, even though we know they have passed.
  2. Our mind must process the pain of loss. We might experience this pain through crying, feeling angry or guilty, thinking a lot about the loss, praying, or even physically with headaches or feeling ill. Research tells us that trying to be strong isn’t necessarily best in processing pain. Rather, we aim to find healthy ways to express these feelings. Naming them, talking about them or writing about them and accepting them.
  3. We need to adjust to a new way of life without our loved one. Maybe that’s finding new routine (eg, what will we do instead of walking our dog together each evening?). We may have to change the way we think about ourselves or the responsibilities we have.
  4. We need to find a way to remember the deceased while moving on with our life. How can we find a healthy balance between cherishing the deceased and living our life? Maybe this means having photos up or having a special day each year to honour the deceased.

There is no set period for grieving. In western culture, there is sometimes an expectation that after a funeral, people will move on. In reality, after a funeral is often when deep grieving starts for those close to the deceased.

Be patient and compassionate with yourself and with your loved ones who may be dealing with grief very differently and may be navigating their own sadness, anger, guilt or avoidance.

There are some helpful podcasts, activities and personal stories at the Dougy Centre.

If you find that grief has impacted your ability to sleep, eat, or fulfill your responsibilities (like going to school) for more than two or three weeks, then it may be helpful to seek broader support to help guide you through it.

Refer to our team or explore the support below:

Headspace. You can connect with Headspace 1:1, join in on group chats or join the community with many online grief resources and supports.

Griefline. Free resources, online and phone support, and online forums with like-minded people.

Grief Australia. Resources and online support, as well as an App to walk with you through the journey.

The Grief Centre. Provides a hub of grief counselling specialists.

Sane Forums allow you to connect, communicate and share with like-minded people in a similar situation:

Canteen offers specialist support for young people impacted by grief.

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