How Do I Ask for Help When I Need It?

There can be many reasons people don’t ask for help or reach out: 

You don’t want to burden others

Did you know that being vulnerable (that is, opening up to people with how you really think and feel) is how true connections are built? Without vulnerability, we can’t really have deep, meaningful friendships. How do you feel when someone shares something deep with you? Often, it makes us feel much closer to them, rather than feeling burdened (provided we’ve gone to the appropriate support person for our problem – see below).

You worry about how others will react
This is understandable. We can’t control how others respond when we open up to them. It helps a lot to consider what you say and who you say it to (see below). 

You don’t know what to say

Start by picking the right time when the person you’ll talk to can give you their full attention (eg, when mum’s relaxing after dinner, rather than during hectic after school pick-ups, or with a friend after a good night’s sleep, rather than midnight texts). Then, pick the right format. For example, would it be better to have this conversation face-to-face, rather than via text? You might want to prepare a few words if you’re thinking you might get flustered at the time. Then, start by warning your listener that there is something important you want to talk about. This gives them a chance to fully tune in (eg, “mum, can I talk to you about something that’s been bugging me?”). Offer the listener some ground rules for their response, for example “You don’t have to say anything or solve the problem. I just want to vent” (being clear about what you’re expecting from them). Then, state what has happened and how you feel about it. If you’re not sure where to start, start with “the biggest thing that’s bothering me at the moment is..”.

You’re not sure who to talk to 

Here’s a general quick guide:

Problems with school or classes? Maybe you’re struggling with content, study or having trouble concentrating. Chat with your Dean or speak with individual teachers.

Problem with friends? Chat with your parents. If it’s a bigger problem, or one that has been ongoing for a while, speak with your Dean. You can email them, and they can usually keep your concerns anonymous if you like. They can offer you some tools to navigate the situation or offer other solutions. 

Smaller personal problems, like you’re feeling stressed, having a rough week, or had a fight with your parents. Your friends and family are perfect for this!

Bigger personal problems, like you’re feeling unsafe, or you’re worried that someone else is. Always come to an adult with these ones – your parents, Dean or our Mental Health team (see our main page to refer). Whilst your friends may be very well-meaning, they are probably not equipped to help you through big stuff like this.

When in doubt, your Dean can help point you in the direction of the right level of support. If you’re struggling to ask for the help you need, please refer to our team.

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