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Raising Confident Girls – The Parents’ Role – Jennifer Oaten

mother teen daughter talkinh

As a mother, educator, and Principal, I have seen firsthand the profound impact body confidence can have on a girl’s sense of self, her choices, and her future. In today’s world, where appearance-based pressures are constant and often overwhelming, we must be intentional in how we speak to our daughters.

We must model self-respect and create a home environment that nurtures self-worth. This blog shares practical strategies to help parents, especially mothers, support their daughters in developing a healthy body image. Every girl deserves to grow up confident, capable, and proud of who she is.

Understanding the Challenge

Body confidence is much more than how we appear on the outside. It is a deep belief in what one’s body can do, what one can express, and how one can move through the world with confidence and purpose.

Research tells us that up to 80 % of girls will experience challenges with body confidence, particularly during adolescence. This is when identity is still forming, and external pressures begin to escalate.

As parents, and especially as mothers, we hold a powerful role in shaping how our daughters view themselves. This influence may be direct or indirect.

So, how can we help our daughters build confidence in their bodies and develop a healthy relationship with who they are?

Girls playing football

What Is Body Confidence?

  1. Body Appreciation – Girls who develop body appreciation recognise and value what their bodies allow them to do. Running, gymnastics, football, dancing, walking, and singing are all examples of this. They understand that their bodies give them strength, abilities and movement.
  1. Body Esteem – Body esteem refers to how satisfied a girl is with her physical appearance, including her weight. However, more importantly, it involves embracing her strengths and accepting imperfections. Body esteem is grounded in knowing that perfection is not the goal. Self-acceptance is.
  1. Internalised Self-Worth – When a girl knows that who she is matters more than how she looks, she is more likely to speak up, pursue opportunities, and participate fully in life. Internalised self-worth is foundational to resilience, growth and leadership.
  1. A Health-First Approach – Girls should be encouraged to focus on how their bodies feel and function rather than how they look. Making healthy choices, eating nourishing food, and moving in ways that bring energy, support and wellbeing in the long term.

When Does Body Confidence Begin?

Body image begins to form earlier than many realise, often as young as three years old. It is influenced by a complex blend of biological, psychological, and social factors. These include genetics, personality, puberty, peer relationships, media exposure, and, importantly, the messages received at home.

The Powerful Role of Mothers

Dad and teenages

Mothers, in particular, play a critical role in shaping their daughters’ developing body image. This occurs in two main ways:

Direct Influence

  • Conversations and comments about appearance leave an impression.
  • Suggestions related to dieting or weight loss, even when well-intentioned, are associated with lower self-esteem and greater body dissatisfaction.
  • Criticism or teasing can contribute to shame, anxiety, and disordered eating behaviours.
  • Comments about others in movies/TV/family members’ body types.

Indirect Influence through Role Modelling

  • Daughters observe their mothers closely. If they witness self-criticism or frequent discussion of weight and appearance, they may begin to internalise similar attitudes.
  • Family conversations that include negative body talk, such as “I feel so fat,” are common and often occur between mothers and daughters.
  • This kind of language reinforces unrealistic appearance ideals and contributes to intergenerational patterns of body shame.

Even when not directed at a child, negative comments about one’s own body can leave a lasting impression. Our daughters are always listening, even when we are unaware.

The Important Role of Fathers

While much of the research around body image focuses on the mother-daughter relationship, fathers also play a crucial role in shaping how girls feel about themselves. Fathers understand the importance of healthy body image but feel unsure about how to approach the topic.

Fathers who express pride in their daughters’ abilities, character, and achievements, rather than focusing on appearance, make a significant and positive impact. Sharing active time together, celebrating what their daughter’s body can do, and avoiding comments about weight or looks can all help to build confidence.

Recent research also shows that appearance-related criticism from fathers can be particularly damaging. Even small, offhand remarks can have lasting effects on how girls view themselves. What matters most is being present, listening without judgement, and affirming that who their daughter is will always matter more than how she looks.

What Parents Can Do - Practical Strategies

  1. Be a Positive Role Model
  • Demonstrate self-respect and body appreciation in your daily actions.
  • Avoid speaking harshly about your own appearance. Instead, express gratitude for what your body allows you to do.
  • Work to heal your own relationship with your body. It is never too late. Your daughter will benefit from witnessing your growth.
  • Create a safe, non-judgemental space where your daughter can express her feelings.
  • Ask questions about what she sees online. What does she enjoy? What makes her uncomfortable?
  1. Be Mindful of Language
  • Speak with kindness about your own body and avoid negative comments about others.
  • Refrain from using the word “diet” in a negative context. If discussed, frame it around health and energy rather than weight loss.
  • Celebrate qualities such as generosity, empathy, and perseverance. Who your daughter is will always be more important than how she looks.
  • Please talk about the body’s abilities rather than its appearance. Emphasise how it allows us to move, connect, and enjoy life.
  1. Encourage Open Communication
  • Speak positively about puberty and body changes. Present these developments as natural and important, not something to be judged.
  • Prioritise warmth, support, and companionship. A strong relationship with a parent can buffer the impact of negative body image and provide a sense of belonging and self-worth.
  1. Support Healthy Social Media Habits
  • Encourage self-awareness around how online content makes her feel.
  • Teach her to recognise when she is comparing herself to others and how to step away when needed.
  • Help her understand that she has the power to choose what she consumes and when to disconnect.
  • Help her to think critically about social media and advertising by discussing who created the content, what message it is conveying, and what it is trying to sell.

An Intergenerational Gift

When mothers feel more confident in their own bodies, they are more likely to role model positive behaviours and attitudes. 

Body confidence can be passed down, just like body shame. As mothers, we have the opportunity to break harmful cycles and replace them with encouragement, understanding, and pride in who we are.

At Santa Maria College

Our mission is to educate young Mercy women who act with courage and compassion to enrich our world. This includes helping girls to develop the confidence to participate fully in life, to value who they are, and to treat themselves and others with respect.

Together, we can raise a generation of young women who live with pride in who they are.

This article draws on a range of current research and expert commentary on body image and parental influence, including findings from the Dove Self-Esteem Project, the Butterfly Foundation, the Centre for Appearance Research, and insights shared through the International Coalition of Girls’ Schools and VicHealth. It also reflects key themes from educational, cultural, and media perspectives published between 2017 and 2024.

  • Body Confidence in girls, Featured, girls' body esteem, healthy body image, parenting daughters, Parenting Tips, positive body image, raising confident daughters, Santa Maria College

Author: Santa Maria College
Santa Maria College is a vibrant girls school with a growing local presence and reputation.  Our Mission is to educate young Mercy women who act with courage and compassion to enrich our world.  Santa Maria College is located in Attadale in Western Australia, 16 km from the Perth CBD.  We offer a Catholic education for girls in Years 5 – 12 and have 1300 students, including 152 boarders.

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