Supporting your Child with School Refusal

Understanding What’s Going On

School refusal is usually not about laziness or defiance.
It is often linked to:

• Anxiety or overwhelm
• Feeling disconnected or excluded
• Low confidence in learning

Important:
Avoiding school can make things feel better short-term but often makes it harder over time.

The Goal

We are not waiting for your child to feel ready for school. Confidence often grows after attending, not before. The goal is to support attendance while helping your child manage difficult feelings.
We are helping them take small steps back, even while it feels hard.

1. Take Small Steps (Gradual Return)

Start small and build up over time:

• Consider one small step at a time; getting dressed for school, packing school bag, commute to school, walking into school etc
• Visit a safe space (e.g. wellbeing office)
• Attend one class (ideally a preferred one)
• Stay until recess
• Gradually increase time spent at school
• Keep steps manageable
• Celebrate effort, not perfection

2. Be Warm, But Stay Firm

Your child needs both understanding and structure.

Try validating feelings by saying:

• “I can see this is really hard”
• “We’re still going to take a small step today”

Avoid:

• Letting them stay home when distressed
• Long negotiations or debates

3. Keep Home Boring During School Hours

If your child stays home:

• Limit screens and enjoyable activities
• Keep expectations calm but consistent

School (even partially) should be the easier option.

4. Teach Simple Coping Skills

Keep it simple — just two to three tools:

• Slow breathing: in for 4, out for 6, make the exhale longer
• Grounding: name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste
• Name the worry:
  “My brain is telling me everyone is ignoring me” (it’s not fact, it’s a negative thought)

5. Build One Safe Connection

If your child feels ignored or alone:

• Help them identify one safe person (friend or staff member)
• Focus on small wins
• Encourage gentle reconnection, not big leaps

6. Work With the School

Ask about:

• A safe person your child can check in with
• Break passes if appropriate
• Temporary adjustments where suitable

7. Make Mornings Predictable

• Keep routines simple and consistent
• Limit talking during high-stress moments
• Focus on action over discussion

8. Focus on the basics

• Is your child getting enough quality sleep
• Are they having enough nutrition