Why Family Meals Matter for Girls’ Wellbeing – Jennifer Oaten
This Easter, I am heading down to Bremer Bay to be with family. My own children are both overseas this year, so the gathering will look and feel a little different. Not everyone will be around the same table. But we will sit down together, share a meal, and that is what matters.
At the centre of Holy Week is the Last Supper, where Jesus gathered with His disciples. It was a sacred meal, and its significance runs far deeper than the act of eating together. But I think it is worth reflecting on the fact that Jesus chose to gather at a table. He chose to share bread and the intimacy of a meal to express His love for those closest to Him, knowing what lay ahead.
It has made me think about what we are really looking for when we gather as a family, and why those moments around a meal mean more than we often realise, particularly for our girls.
What the research says
Most of us know that eating together as a family is a good thing. But I do not think most parents realise just how much it matters, particularly for girls.
A national study published in the Journal of Nutrition Education and Behavior found that frequent family meals had a protective effect on adolescent mental health, and that the effect was particularly strong for depressive symptoms in girls. Not in young people generally. In girls specifically. When something as ordinary as dinner carries that kind of weight, we should be paying attention.
It is not really about the food, though. Australia’s own Longitudinal Study of Australian Children, reported by the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare, found that teenagers who had a very close relationship with one or both parents between the ages of 12 and 15 had higher levels of resilience at 16 and 17. It was not about how many rules were in place or how closely parents monitored their children. It was the closeness of the relationship that made the difference. That closeness gets built in small, repeated moments, and a shared meal is one of the most positive ways it happens.
What holidays offer
The school holidays is one of the few moments in the year when the pace genuinely changes. School stops. For many families, work slows. And for the first time in weeks, there is actually time to sit down together. That matters because time is the one thing the research keeps coming back to.
I see the difference that pace makes at school. When the pressure lifts slightly and the schedule loosens, girls talk more freely. They linger. They sit with each other longer. It is not that the connection was missing before. It is that there was no room for it.
There is something in that for families. Not that our weeknight dinners carry the same weight, of course. But the instinct to gather the people you love around a meal and give them your full attention is so important. With my children overseas, our Sunday night family meals are missing, and it is something I dearly miss.
The holidays do not need to be filled with activities or outings. Some of the most valuable time you will spend with your daughter over the break will be the quiet kind. A slow breakfast where nobody is rushing. A meal that turns into a conversation nobody planned.
Protect the family meal
Over the holidays, do one thing. Protect the family meal. Not every meal, and not perfectly. But regularly enough that your daughter knows it is a rhythm she can count on. Put the phones away, yours included. Listen deeply so your daughter feels heard and valued for her knowledge and opinions. Encourage her to have an opinion and to share it with you.
Cook together if you can, not because the food matters, but because something about preparing a meal side by side takes the pressure off and lets a conversation happen on its own.
And resist the urge to use dinner to check in on schoolwork, friendships or problems. Let it be a place where your daughter can simply be part of the family. The deeper conversations will come. They almost always do, once the space is there.
What this really gives her
Catherine McAuley, whose vision still guides our school, understood that the most powerful acts of care are often the simplest. Hospitality, the first of our Mercy values, begins with making someone feel welcome at your table. That is as true at home as it is anywhere else.
As we move into the Easter break, I hope your family finds time to gather. Not because the research says you should, although it does. But because your daughter, even the one who rolls her eyes when you ask her to set the table, needs to know she belongs somewhere. She needs to feel known by the people who love her most, and to know they are paying attention.
I do not think we talk about the power of eating together enough.
When was the last time your whole family sat down and ate together, with nowhere else to be?
- Catholic parenting reflection, Easter family traditions, Family Connection, family meals and wellbeing, Featued, Featured, Girls Mental Health, Mercy Values, parenting teenage girls, resilience in adolescents, Santa Maria College community, school holidays and family time
Author: Santa Maria College
Santa Maria College is a vibrant girls school with a growing local presence and reputation. Our Mission is to educate young Mercy women who act with courage and compassion to enrich our world. Santa Maria College is located in Attadale in Western Australia, 16 km from the Perth CBD. We offer a Catholic education for girls in Years 5 – 12 and have 1300 students, including 152 boarders.
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