Guiding the Journey of Adolescence: A Guide to ‘The Talk’ – Jennifer Oaten

1. Start early: It is crucial to start discussing basic concepts with your child at a young age and gradually introduce more complex topics as they grow. By starting early, you provide a strong foundation for comprehensive and gradual learning. This includes teaching appropriate language for body parts and functions and understanding public and private behaviours. Remember, these conversations should be ongoing and adapt as your child develops. Their questions and concerns will evolve with each stage of their growth.

2. Create a safe environment: Creating a safe and non-judgmental environment is crucial. Encourage questions and provide accurate information, even when they are challenging. By being open and honest, we foster a safe space for our daughters to share without fear of judgment. Respect, understanding, and empowering them to have a healthy attitude towards their bodies and relationships are key. Asking questions and listening cultivates connection.

3. Start conversations by using cues: When starting conversations, try using cues from the news, current affairs, social media, advertising, books, TV shows, or movies. These can be opportunities to talk about relationships and sexuality in a relatable way. By connecting the topic to their own experiences, you can help them apply the information in a meaningful way. Remember, it’s better to start small and not overwhelm them with too much information all at once.

4. Promote your values: When you incorporate your values into ongoing conversations, it really helps your daughter develop a strong foundation based on your family’s beliefs and principles. It is all about having a more holistic and values-based understanding of human relationships and sexuality. Take the time to decide what values and messages you want to communicate. Remember, kids won’t necessarily know about your morals, values, and beliefs unless you tell them. And let us not forget, teenagers may have different opinions from your own, so it is important to figure out how we’ll navigate through that.

5. Use appropriate language:  When you explain things to your child, it is important to use words that they can understand. Keep it simple and use age-appropriate language so that they can grasp the concepts easily. It is also important to use the correct names for body parts, as using substitute names can confuse them. This way, your child will be better prepared to communicate with parents or medical professionals if they ever have a problem.

6. Respect is key: Respecting ourselves and others is really important. It is all about accepting and embracing the physical differences that come with adolescence and how teenagers react to those differences in others. For example, it is crucial for all children, boys and girls, to understand that menstruation is a natural process.

If young people have a better understanding, we can eliminate any embarrassment or misinformation and raise them to be respectful of their own bodies and the changes that occur. Respecting others creates a sense of acceptance and belonging, which is so important during the teenage years.

7. Importance of relationships: Love is a complex thing. It is hard to define because it varies from person to person. But love is more than just biology. It is that incredible feeling of connection, intimacy, and joy when we are close to someone.

Relationships, commitment, and love itself are important to explore. It is not just about attraction or infatuation. It is about learning to truly love and respect someone and being loved in return.

By focussing on emotions and relationships, we can help teenagers understand sex as a natural part of life. It is about teaching them the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships. Even failed relationships teach us valuable lessons about what makes a relationship successful.

8. Consent: It is really important to teach your child about consent and personal boundaries. Make sure they understand how crucial it is to respect others’ boundaries and always get consent in any relationship. This helps them develop healthy and respectful attitudes towards others, starting from a young age. Let them know they are in charge of their own bodies, have the right to choose, say yes or no, and make decisions for themselves.

When talking to teenagers, it is essential to discuss equitable relationships, standing up for themselves, handling uncomfortable situations, and effectively communicating these messages. This is especially important for young women.

9. Pornography: Before your child gets exposed to any pornography, it is crucial to make sure they have a solid understanding of healthy and respectful relationships. Whether it happens accidentally or intentionally, encountering explicit content online is bound to happen. 

When they hit their teenage years, young people often get curious about bodies and sex, which increases the chances of them seeking answers online. That is why it is important for children to know how to handle inappropriate images and where to find appropriate answers to their questions.